having to say goodbye means…
I love you but I love me more.
At first the hurt can magnify. It can multiply. It can stay.
But habits… they break unevenly and often are an unclean break.
Goodbyes… I always struggled with goodbyes.
Avoided goodbyes and had many more awkward hellos.
I know the reason why. It is hard to let go.
I love because I want to love.
I hold on because I want to give it all.
I obsess but pretend that I’m fine. Why?
For just one more awkward hopeful hello.
And because I hate goodbyes. I’d rather say I love you.
To many this sounds sad, pathetic even, but It’s not.
It’s messy and confusing at the start.
Today, my character is built, my honesty prevails.
My goodbyes are all gone.
I live the way I want to live.
I speak to those who lift me up.
And I don’t give a damn about the rest of them.
Because I’m sad? Hell no.
Because I’m bitter? I’m not.
Because I love myself for trying.
I love myself for moving on.
I love myself for beating odds.
I love who I’ve become.
And although I still dislike goodbyes
I’m very happy that you’re gone.